Q. Why are you called "Beangirl"? It's weird.
A. Well, it's a long, boring story. But if you really want to know, read this post.
Q. Why are you so crabby all the time?
A. I'm not. I'm just Norwegian/Irish. It's hard to tell the difference sometimes.
Q. Do you have a trust fund put aside for the therapy that your children will obviously require as adults after suffering through the trauma of wearing the clothes you make for them?
A. No. They can lump it like the rest of us. Or get government jobs. Those people have excellent benefits.
Q. Will you sew something for me?
A. No. Jeez. Really?
Q. Will you write a love-letter/song/term paper/eulogy for my grandmother for me? I think you're hilarious.
A. No. Well... maybe. Will you pay me? I'm particularly intrigued by the eulogy concept. It's so Kantian and yet so visceral at the same time. Let's do lunch. Have your people call my people. My people are in school between 8 and 3:30, so call after that.
Q. Are you aware that you completely misapplied the term "Kantian" in that last reply?
A. Totally. Duh. Obvious much?
Q. Do you have any other hobbies besides sewing?
A. You mean in addition to "complaining bitterly about life" and "sarcasm"? Yes, of course I do. I'm very, very smart. I need to keep my brain busy with lots of activities. You don't need to know what those are.
Q. Why do you have a F.A.Q.? Do you really have that many readers?
A. Of course not. Probably you're the only one. However, I like to put a distance between myself and the unwashed masses. Even if that's a mass of one. (Well, I mean, really. If you're unwashed, you have to expect that people will want to distance themselves from you.)