So remember my new French friend? And how I was so excited to meet her? And my big plans to corrupt her? And how she was going to help me fit my clothes better and stuff?
Yeah. Know what? She is not my friend. Oh, no. She is not.
Because, really. She insisted on messing up my intentions to corrupt her into gaining a size or four. She had an annoying tendency to collapse in a faint at the slightest bump or knock. She absolutely refused to be my height and seemed to enjoy towering over me. And she would persist with Gallic perversity in having an upper chest measurement that was 3" wider than my own. Three inches, people. And she's a size 4.
(insert much cursing and maligning of the French here)
Most of it I was willing to overlook or accept. All I asked was that she meet me halfway, that she compromise just a little. But I just could not convince her to have a smaller upper chest. I begged. I pleaded. She would not listen. So after many days fraught with tears of anger and a deep sense of betrayal, I finally succumbed to the inevitable. I dumped her.
Au revoir, bi-atch.
Distraught and dismayed, I searched for solace. And impulsively reattached my affections on my new best friend.
She was on sale.
At first I was a little nervous about her. Would she be sturdy enough to not fall over every time I walked past her? How would she take to corruption? Was she short? And most importantly, what size was her upper chest?
Because that's the question you always want to know about your new best friend. Right?
Well, I can tell you: she's perfect. She is sturdy enough to hold her own in a fight to the death with things like denim and linen. She corrupts really well with a little padding. With a simple adjustment, her shoulders are at the same height as my shoulders. And best of all, her upper chest is a nice dainty 33". She's my soul mate.
Because check it out! I totally padded her out under my custom-fit sloper and voilà! She's just. like. me.
It's like a sweet potato with a neck.
There is a possible chance that I may just hate my new best friend a tiny little bit. We may have to be frenemies.