There is no other explanation for the good ladies at MyShape.com thinking that this item would fit me.
And yet that is exactly what they claim, as attested to by the big giant banner that runs across my "shop" which declares "Everything in your Personal Shop™ fits you."
Alternate universe? Or serious crack problem? These are the only explainations that would allow anyone to believe I am able to fit into a pair of DKNY jeans. Trust me.
Oh, those crack-smokin' fashion ladies. They are so entertaining. When I win my Nobel Prize for proving the most important theory in quantum physics (... EVER!) I'll be happy to share the credit with them. I can wear this dress to the reception. The crack-smokin' fashion ladies think it fits me.