Sunday, July 3, 2011

They May Take Our Lives, But They'll Never Take… Our Freedom!

I’m afraid I have a hard time taking anyone painted blue very seriously.  Even Mel Gibson.  No, especially Mel Gibson.  No, especially especially Mel Gibson with a Scottish accent.  And a kilt.  Jeez, who approved that movie anyway?

Well, it's that time of year again folks. Yep. The Fourth of July. Independence Day. The day we celebrate throwing down the shackles of monarchial tyranny; we cheer casting off the chains of colonialist oppression; we raise our fists in triumph at our utter escape from having to eat things like marmite and kidney pie and kippers.

Unfortunately, this year I won't be celebrating this glorious freedom from fish-and-chips and lorries with a massive, crazily-expensive display of fireworks. Because of course this year we're in a drought. A bad drought. A really really bad drought. Everything around us is so dry that just thinking about matches or lighters or sparks is illegal. The grass in my backyard is so dry that yesterday I was afraid I might start it on fire with the lasers coming out of my eyes. Fortunately, I remembered that the lasers that come out of my eyes only have power to burn the Evil Monkeys and the Husband.

Still. No fireworks. Rather uncharacteristically I was sort of looking forward to them this year… mostly as an opportunity to get the Evil Monkeys out of the house for two hours since the Husband will in fact be working that night. And the Monkeys and I will be home together all day. And by 4 or 5 pm they'll be higher than a kite on the mounds of cheap, nasty candy they scavenged that morning at the Fourth of July parade.  Because of course the only reason you go to a parade in our town is to be pelted by candy thrown by minor government officials and Shriners.

Damn. Now I'll have to interact with them and stuff. Sheesh. What next? Food and clothing? Shelter? The teaching of skills so as to become self-sufficient, productive human beings? Good grief.

Happy flippin' Independence Day. Don't mind me. I'll just be the person buried under a pile of crazed, sugar-ridden Evil Monkeys.  Good thing I have lasers in my eyes.

7 comments:

  1. Right after your blog in my Google Reader is Biosingularity Hub. The latest post there is http://biosingularity.com/2011/07/03/%E2%80%98living-laser%E2%80%99-engineered-from-human-cells/

    No seriously, living laser engineered from human cells.

    And I thought, Well, shoot, how'd she find out about that already?

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  2. Muahaha! We just had Canaday Day (July 1st, where we celebrate, y'know, very politely asking if we could pretty please have our own country, maybe, sorta. But we promise we'll still put the queen on our money.) I sent my kids off with my mother to my grandmother's farm to celebrate while I went to a friend's bridal shower. So I missed the fireworks, but I think the bellydancers made up for it.

    At least there WERE fireworks, though. That's so sad. I hadn't realized you guys were in such a drought. We had a fire ban here for a bit in the spring, but then it poured for a couple weeks straight so that's off, now. Although up north is still burning, I think.

    word verification: zooma---the sound of a lone, rogue firecracker setting the entire state of Texas ablaze.

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  3. My condolences on the single parent duty with sugar intoxication. Can you imagine if there was a breathalyzer test for sugar? "Now, miss... If you'll just put your mouth on the pixie stick... Oh my. You are 14 times above the legal limit. We need to ask you to step away from the Big Wheel, and put the Tootsie Pop down..."
    I had single parent duty today, and hid in the basement under the guise of "cleaning" while they made a fort out of the couch and some blankets. No one cried and no blood was shed, so it was a good day!

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  4. You could just tell the Monkeys that since it's INDEPENDENCE Day, they're ON THEIR OWN. har har Like that wouldn't end up making more work for you later. Too bad you can't blow anything up this year.

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  5. Something involving swimsuits and water perhsps - like a paddling pool, water balloons or water pistols?

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  6. I like B-I-J's idea! We don't get fireworks of any kind either... We have sparklers left over form last year though. Just need to water down the back yard. We have two firemen that live on our street (one right nest door) so we have to be covert... Happy 4th to you too!

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  7. geez...could I have made more typos? probably...

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