Who Wears Short Shorts?

Seriously?  I just spent about twenty minutes trying to find a video clip of one of the old Nair “Short-shorts” commercial.  Twenty minutes, people.  I mean, I have a life.  I do not have endless spare time to find these things just for your entertainment.

 

I don’t care that you didn’t ask me to find it.  Sheesh.

So last week I went through all the girls’ clothes again in order to finally, once and for all, cull out all the miscellaneous unwanted summer clothes… you know, the size 3 t-shirts that are too small even for The Big One… the size 2 (I kid you not, size TWO) shorts that The Big One wore through the end of last summer… the totally cute tops made out of adorable quilting fabric that no one would wear…. that kind of stuff. 

Then, as is my wont, I bagged up all the discards into a big ol’ yard bag (or in this case a medium ol’ trash bag) in preparation for sending them to the Mission.  And of course, because I’ve been working like a crazy woman all this week, the bag has continued to sit in the laundry room to this very day.

Apparently The Big One has had the sudden realization that I do, in fact, GIVE AWAY HER OLD CLOTHES.  She never noticed this before?  Even when I routinely toss clothing into giant bags and then explain in a loud voice, “I’M TAKING THESE CLOTHES TO THE MISSION”?  Based on her behavior over the past week, I’m going to have to go with “No.  She had not.”

Every day this week an item of too-small or never-worn clothing has mysteriously appeared in The Big One’s dresser drawers.  I, being the Mean Mom that I am, immediately transferred said items back to the Mission Bag.  And the next morning, a new item would find it’s sad, weary way back to the dresser drawer.

Finally, I decided to take pity on one single item.  And this is it:

Ottobre 3-2008 #3

I made these two years ago.  No one would wear them.  Ever.  Until today.

The fact that they now fit so well might (maybe) explain why no one wanted to wear them two years ago.  Maybe.

And this image below is  (rather typically) what I got when I instructed The Big One to “turn sideways” so I could get a side-view shot:

She is so literal. 

Genii R Us

I finally have had a chance to get to some sewing this week.  I really just can not tell you how much I hate May.  But now it’s June and we’re all ready for summer to start--  oh wait.  It’s been over 100 degrees for the past week.  I guess summer started a while ago.

In any case, I finally got around to looking at my custom-drafted t-shirt pattern ala Cal Patch’s Weird Custom Drafting Book, a.k.a. Design-It-Yourself Clothes.  Which I wrote about in this post.  To recap, after some serious fitting adjustments I basically ended up with a sloper with side bust darts.  And that’s where I left it.

This week I picked up that pattern and decided that I would try adding some wearing ease (not present in the final pattern), some adjustments for my hunchback (always present on my body) and see what happened (usually a nerve-wracking experience).

What happened is I created the perfect t-shirt.  No.  Really.  It’s perfect.  I am a flippin’ genius and you must bow down and worship the ground I, uh, sew on.

Don’t believe me?  Fine.  Be like that.

Here’s the final (blurry) result, in which I added a more scooped neckline and left the bust dart in place.

I  used a light-weight poly knit of some mysterious type which I bought from Emma One Sock about four years ago.  It is awesome.  Here’s a more color-appropriate swatch:

Here’s the (burry) side view and the (blurry) back view.

OK, so it’s maybe slightly too loose around the middle.  I wasn’t sure how the fabric would hang and I didn’t want it to be clingy.  I could take it in a quarter-inch on both sides probably.

And OK, it was really hard to get a good picture on my own (but significantly easier than trying to get The Husband to understand what qualifies as a “good” picture). 

So you might not, in fact, be able to appreciate my genius sufficiently.  But trust me when I say that this top is the best-fitting and most flattering top I’ve owned in a while.  Plus, because I have the darts in place, I can now move those around into gathers or pleats or whatever and make about a bajillion different styles.

Genius, I tell you.  And now I’ll have time to do some more.  I love June.

The month of June.  Not, you know, June Cleaver.  Although she could wear a mean pearl choker while, you know, baking cookies. Or whatever.

Right.  So when I Googled “June Cleaver” this is what I got:

Plus, this:

 

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I think “yummy” pretty much covers it.  I don’t know who this woman is that’s posting this stuff, but I loooove her.  She is my new hero.  Clearly, she is a genius. 

Takes one to know one.

My Pants Are, In Fact, On Fire

 

I lied.  There are no clothes.

There is this.

I think my mom may have literally peed her pants watching this.

EDIT: Well, I don’t know about my mom, but The Husband claims HE almost peed his pants watching this the first time, he was laughing so hard.  So you know that’s got to be some funny stuff.  Also, I originally had a link to this video from the creator’s webpage, but it’s offline now.  In a moment of inspiration, I decided to search YouTube and Lo! someone else had posted it up.  But I would just like to say, if I could I would totally credit the guy who made this.  He is a flippin’ GENIUS.