Thursday, April 28, 2011

In Which I Remember That My Hair Sucks.

So I thought I’d take pictures of the second knit top I made using the same block as before (which, by the way, is not the horrible tunic pattern I was struggling with- this block is very easy to work with since I custom-fit it last year… all I had to do this year was remove about 4” from the hip to account for the 4” I, uh, lost from my hips).

Now granted, I chose to take my pictures in the morning while my hair was still wet.  But still, I’m realizing (for about the one-thousandth time in my life) that hair is an evil, terrible, horrifying thing and human beings should all (yea! verily! all!) be bald.  Because my hair sucks.

Anyway, here’s the second version I made of the knit top.

knit-IIWonder Wo-maaaan!

This is a combination of knits I also got from Golden D’Or (I think).  They’re nicer quality than the last shirt.  I was a little worried it was going to be too Patchwork-Patti (I just made that up-- you like it, admit it) but I think the end result was ok.  I got multiple compliments on it, although that’s always a little suspect around here since we do not live in what anyone could call a Fashion Haven.

And for further proof of just how much trouble it is to get a photo, here is what else happened in the one and a half minutes I spent trying to get a decent picture.  There was this:

girls10not one person in this photo has combed their hair

and this:

timer-1“Hey, I’m taking a pict---“

Lovely.  I look like I have no neck.  I seriously did not want to post such an unflattering picture, but it was just too funny.    I wish I could have gotten a simultaneous shot of the Husband’s befuddled expression.

Regardless, this is way too many people in my personal space at 7:15 am.


Meanwhile, SHOE-OFF!

poetic license lemon cupcake shoes

Monday, April 25, 2011

I Told You So.


I have been sewing.

custom block knit topcustom block knit top, possibly modeled by Wonder Woman wannabe


I just haven’t been photoing.


Possibly because I usually get this:

oops, timer!oops! timer.


Or this:

This Person Has Absolutely No Sense Of HumorThis Person Has Absolutely No Sense Of Humor


Or possibly this:

what do you mean, "camera settings"?what do you mean, "camera settings"?


Oonaballona, rather annoyingly, usually gets something like this:

oh my!oh my!


Or this:

no, you don't say!no, you don’t say!


Except she looks cute and adorable in hers.


I did get a perfectly reasonable shot of the cute shoes I was wearing.

Olsenboyeeven if they were hawked by the Olsen Twins

vital statistics, somewhat randomly-
pattern:  custom drafted knit shirt block (as first seen here)
alteration: reduced original side seams at hip by 4”, “twisted” neck binding, elbow-length sleeves
fabric: cheap mystery knit from Golden D’Or

Thursday, April 21, 2011

And Now For A Few Things In The Random W.T.F. Category

1)  Today we are all excited because my boss declared to one of the co-owners, “We’re always closed on Good Friday.” 

We have never, no not ever been closed on Good Friday.  Trust me. 

After a hasty conferral, we all (other co-owners included) decided to just not tell him that he has apparently succumbed to a crack addiction.  So we all have tomorrow off.  This has made me inordinately happy.  I should probably investigate further why a simple day off has produced this slightly disturbing level of happiness, but for now I’m just going to revel in the unexpected holiday.


Did I mention that tomorrow is the Husband’s day off?  And that the kids were supposed to have an Inclement Weather day but they used it up in the blizzard this year, so they have to go to school?

Maybe my happiness isn’t so inordinate.


2)  I was just on Facebook (bleh) and this ad popped up in that annoying side-bar-smorgasbord of ads:

social worker

It only takes one year to complete.  I think that’s pretty impressive.  However, I think they might make the “social work for possessed demon-spawn children” part a little more clear in the text as it could be sort of a surprise for someone expecting to become, you know, just a normal social worker.


3) This week my DVR recorded exactly 60 seconds of “Glee”.  I clicked on “Glee”.  I watched as the screen froze.  I looked at the recording status bar as it stopped on “60sec” and then…. I just turned off the TV.  No voluble cursing or shaking of fists in anger.  No jumping up to see if it was online yet.  Just… meh.  Ok.  Whatever.


Oh Glee, Glee, Glee…. it seems our romance has run it’s course.  No no… don’t say anything.  Just let me remember you the way you were.

Wednesday, April 20, 2011

It’s, like, all burny and stuff.

Guess what we want for Earth Day?

Possum Kingdom fire

Wichita Falls / Iowa Park fire

Wichita Falls / Iowa Park fire

If you guessed, “Water falling from the sky” you were correct.

Even the six-year-old got excited today when it looked like it might rain.  “Looked” being the operative word, as the forecast is actually only 20% chance of precipitation.  But lots of chance for lightening strikes.

Anyone know any rain dances?  I’m totally willing to dance around in my front yard wearing nothing but body paint if it will bring back my dead lawn.

Um.  Ok, maybe I don’t want a lawn quite that much…. on the other hand, my neighbors might pitch in for a sprinkler system just to keep me inside the house.  Hmmmm….


edit:  re: BigInJapan’s comment

this is the Red River where I used to live (as seen last week):

Red River ND

this is the Red River where I live now (as seen 5 years ago, but it pretty much always looks like this):

Red River TX

where is the balance, indeed?  Red Rivers.  You are a pain.

Thursday, April 14, 2011

Sometimes Life Reflects Art.


Not really in a good way.

dilbert vacation



Actually, this won’t happen until the middle of my vacation day.

Sunday, April 10, 2011

The Best Laid Plans Of… uh…. Me.

Last week I splurged and bout five pieces of fabric from Chez Ami.  I'm making TLo's summer wardrobe (in theory) and the first pair of capri leggings I made from some Chez Ami ribbing were so nice and sewed up so well that I just had to fill in her wardrobe gaps with some more.  But despite having a "normal" income again now that the Husband has you know, a job, I still couldn't really rationalize buying more than five pieces to complete the gaps.  So I had to really agonize over what I chose.

Here's what I got:

turquoise-ribbingturquoise ribbing

pink-ribbinghot pink ribbing

stripey-interlockstripey knit

floral-poplinfloral poplin

brown-interlockbrown interlock


All well and good.


Here's what was on the top of the pile of knits when I went to put the new fabric away:

DOHbrown interlock, again


I hate everything.

Wednesday, April 6, 2011

IAAT. Don’t You Just Love Obscure Acronyms?

After the many trials and tribulations of being awarded and awarding memes, I suddenly came to a conclusion.  I'm going to start my own award.

You heard me.  These things have to start somewhere, right?  Why not me?  And I mean, I figure I can operate under the time-honored tradition of believing that what is highly annoying in others is totally fabulous in oneself.  Ergo, another meme with which to blatantly promote oneself whilst simultaneously irritating the crap out of everyone else.  Awesomeness.

Except, I don't really care if other people are stylish or crafty or beautiful.  I care about their deep-seated personality quirks.   I also have little sense of personal confidentiality.  I'm a "I am what I am" kind of person.  I like to treat others as if they are too.  Frankly, my first thought for this meme was not, "Can you crochet an antimacassar?" but more something like, "Who's on your Celebrity Free Pass list?"  See?  I have no personal boundaries.

Angie A is laughing now, because she already knows who's on my free pass list.  Like I said, I have no sense of personal boundaries (and I feel perfectly comfortable boring someone else with my own delusional fantasy life).

So here's my brand-spankin' new blog award:

IAAT Award

The recipients of this award are asked to answer the following questions, link to whoever awarded them and then pass it on to five, no six people (who they think will actually be willing to answer these totally intrusive and possibly inappropriate questions).  Feel free to snag the badge too, right?


1) What size shoe do you wear?  If you wear a size 7, can I borrow your shoes?

2) 30's or 60's?

3)  Have you ever kissed someone you shouldn't have?

4) Have you ever been poisoned?  Was it by the girlfriend of the person you kissed??  That is awesomely "Knot's Landing".

5) Who's on your "Celebrity Free Pass" list (top 5)?


Here, I'll answer too.  Lest you think I can dish but can't take.

1) 7.  No, you can’t.

2) 60’s.

3) Yes.

4) No.  But I would so totally love to be that Knot’s Landingly awesome.  Wouldn’t you?

5) hmmm… this changes pretty routinely.  Today it’s A] Henry Cavill (quit laughing, Angie A)   B] Robert Downey Jr (I can hear you sniggering, Miss A)   C] Daniel Craig (shush, you)   D] Karl Urban (hush up there, missy) and, uh,   E] Simon Pegg.  (Don’t ask.  I have no idea.)

And I now hereby and forthwith pass along this new award to:

Angie A. at Quality Time

Big In Japan at Big In Japan

Laura at Edgy June Cleaver

Heather at Li’l Miss Muffet

Tanit-Isis at Tanit-Isis Sews

Oonaballoona at Oonaballoona From Kalkatroona

Why?  Because they're sassy.  Which should be enough of a reason.  But I also completely and whole-heartedly believe they ARE. All. That. 

Plus, they might actually answer the questions.  Possibly. 

Sunday, April 3, 2011

Dress. Again.

So for about six weeks I’ve been planning TLo’s “Spring Dress” which is what she wears to the Easter Party at the Country Club the day before Easter (since we don’t celebrate Easter per se, this is basically the only time the Evil Monkeys have an opportunity to wear fancy dresses—it’s quite the highlight in their sad, dreary little lives).

You’ll note I said for the day before Easter.  Right?  You heard that part, right?  Because, as most of you are probably aware (owning calendars and all), Easter is not until the TWENTY-FOURTH OF APRIL.

So last week my mother informs me, sort of round-aboutedly, that the Evil Monkeys are invited to a Tea Party.  At some kind of Mini-Junior-Deb thing.  On the next Saturday.  And they MUST. WEAR. FANCY. DRESSES.  Or else.

Son of a--

So I had to quick quick quick make a decision about TLo’s new dress— how to use the fabric… what pattern to choose… how to finish it on the inside… what FLIPPIN’ SIZE TO CUT.


I achieved three out of four.

ONE: How to use the fabric?

Gynormous Poppy Print + Totally Fab Lightweight Turquoise Denim (of the exact shade of one of the blues in the poppies, no less)


TWO: What pattern to choose?

Ottobre 3-2008 #18.  I’ve been eyeing this pattern since it came out.  It’s the SHIZZLE.  ( I figured I’d use a clichéd phrase from 2008 as well.)

Ottobre 3-2008 #18

THREE: How to finish the inside?

Now if there’s one thing I know how to make using five gajillion different methods, it’s a little girl’s sleeveless-bodice-button-or-zip-in-the-back-with-full-gathered-skirt dress.  Seriously.  I might have to slave and struggle to make a polo shirt.  I might have to have a special tutor to make a pair of pants.  But a little girl’s dress?  I can do those in my sleep.  (Which just goes to prove that even the slowest of wits can learn to do something proficiently through sheer volume of repetition.) 

In fact, I know so many ways of doing this type of garment that it actually requires some serious thought to determine which method I want to use and how I’m going to achieve my goals.  This thought process includes picking a level of finishedness for the inside (it’s a word) and then working backwards to figure out what sequence of construction I have to do.  It’s more complicated than it might at first glance seem.

I’m still kickass at this.

In the end, I decided that I wanted the entire dress to be fully finished on the inside.  I’ll admit that this was in part spurred by a closer look at the inside of The Big One’s RTW Easter-Mini-Junior-Deb dress from Strasburg.  It was pretty poorly constructed all things considered and they’d gone to the low depths of not even fully lining the bodice, let alone the entire dress.  Cheeeeap, cheap cheap.  I can so totally do better with my Kick Ass self.  Fully lined with completely finished interior it is.  Nyah!

To do that, you cut a corresponding lining (in this case, from white lawn) to the shell pieces.  You clean finish the bodice (using the method whereby you pull the lining through the shoulders, I’m not doing a tutorial on that there are lots of them out there).  Then attach the skirts to the shell and the lining. 

You then attach the zipper to the shell (an invisible zipper) and sew the center back seam of the shell and then of the lining up to where the zipper would be.


And then you just bag out the lining as you would a jacket.  Only, you know, with a dress.  By sewing the two hems together, right side facing.  The shell gets pulled through the hole of the lining where the zipper is.

Then tack down the lining to the zipper with hand stitches (leaving a gap at the bottom for the zipper to have some breathing room).


Voila!  Fully finished interior.


It also has the added benefit of being nicely weighty and giving you a perfect hem.

interior hem - lining

Piece. O’. Cake.  Easy. Peasy.  A thing of beauty.

FOUR: What flippin’ size to cut?

And this, Gentle Reader, is where it all went horribly, horribly wrong.


I’ve come to the conclusion that TLo expands her chest whenever I try to take her measurements.  You know how sometimes horses blow themselves up with air when they’re being saddled so the saddle will be loose?  Like that.  Stinkin’ little monster.

She wore it to the Mini-Junior-Deb Saturday Tea anyway.  She didn’t have much choice.


Apparently it was like being in The Sound of Music or something.  The hills were, to all intents and purposes, alive with music.


Next week: How to take in the bodice of a perfectly finished dress, without taking it apart or changing the width of the skirt. 

No really.  It will happen.

Or else.