I want to say one word to you. Plastics.

So my last post about poor Zoe Saldana (Yeah. Right.) and her rather badly fitted and bizarrely designed dress naturally got me to thinking about… “Things Made Out Of Barbie Dolls”. 

Yes.  That is natural.   So here you go:

 

Barbie Toilet Paper Cover.

 

Barbie Cake.

 

Barbie Ax-Murderer Jewelry.

 

I had another picture to show you, but decided against it.  It relates to a story about this guy who shared the rent of a big warehouse space with my dad and a few other car-restoration type guys.  Apparently one day my dad was surprised to learn he couldn’t get into his part of the garage because the ATF had locked down the whole building.  Pending an investigation of the arrest of said co-renter for the production and sale of illegally altered fire arms (i.e. he was converting semis to autos and selling them to “hunters”).  Said gentleman was also discovered at that time to have a booming side business in the sale of online Barbie S&M “porn” which he manufactured on the same premises. 

Yes.  You read that right.  Apparently there is quite a market for it.

 

EDIT- Venus de Hilo said: “I think those earrings would be even better with little plastic Barbie shoes on them.”  Which is a totally great idea.  And since Barbie feet are after all interchangeable, you could accessorize your accessories to your heart’s content by adding your very own Barbie shoe collection at whim.   If you have a really good collection of Barbie shoes (or a really odd collection of You shoes) your earrings really could match your shoes every day.  Too funny!

I Do Not Watch The Oscars. This is why.

 

Zoe Saldana in Givenchy.

 

 

Turkey Dressing Skirt from Dana Made It.

 

I know which one I’d rather have, but you decide for yourself.  Go ahead.  You I-love-a-dress-that-looks-like-a-lavender-toilet-paper-cover-my-grandma-made-in-1962 freak.

 

(“So,” you say suspiciously. “You don’t watch the Oscars?  Then where did you get that photo of Zoe Saldana? HUH?”  To which I reply, “Ah. Quite easy.  I stole it from Angie A. at Quality Time.  So there.”)

Reader Mail… oh just sit through it already.

Well, color me surprised.  The crack-smokin' fashion ladies from MyShape.com very politely made a comment on my last post, in which I pointed out the horror that is Adrienne Vittadini and might have possibly, you know… just possibly, called the good MyShape.com people crackheads.  Yet they graciously ignored this slur on their characters and decorously acknowledged that they do indeed plan to add a thumbs-up/thumbs-down feature to their site.

Now I know the suspicious and pessimistic amongst you are probably saying to yourselves, "Oh sure.  Someone gives them a perfectly good idea for free and they immediately proceed to say 'Oh yes, we have all sorts of plans already in the works for just that very thing!'."  But alas, I have to give them credit and admit that if they were clever enough to think up their very clever website, they were probably clever enough to think up this little thumbs-up idea too.  It's amazing what crackheads can accomplish these days.

The fact that they obviously sit up late at night, 50th double-cappuccino in shaky hand, furiously scrabbling through the internet to find mention, any mention at all, of themselves… well.  Let’s be honest.  We’d do that too, right?  Oh you can shake your heads “no” at your screen people, but we all know what really happens at 2 a.m. when you suddenly feel a need to check your hits or google yourself.  You can’t hide from the truth.

Anyway, now we have something to look forward to.  Because honestly, while I'm not totally sure how Pandora.com's music-mapping thing works so as to allow them to almost always choose accurately for your musical tastes, it seems to me that this will be even more difficult to achieve using garments.  Will it be based on color, designer, style, fabric?  I think the answer will be quite interesting to find out, don't you?  Almost makes you wish you were a statistical programmer, right?

I said "almost".